It's Been 175 Days

July 15th was 175 days ago. I'm sitting exactly where I was sitting that day. That day I had missed a call from my mom and tried to call her back. She didn't answer. So I texted "just called you back" to prove her wrong that although I may never answer my phone, I DO call her back. Didn't hear back. Not surprised. She probably answered her own question or called DM to ask him the technology question. But that's when my dad called. And when dad calls in the middle of the day, it can't be good.

"Hi, what's going on?"
"Your mother..." and then tears.

Then just panic. I remember the car home. I remember sitting in my living room talking outloud to my grandmother and Aunt Virgie. I remember pleading with them to tell my mom to turn the hell around and go back to earth. (Thanks by the way ladies.) I remember being at the airport. I remember crying across from Auntie Anne's. I remember people staring at me. I remember not caring. I remember all the voices on the other end of the phone. Every. Single. One. I remember the announcement that my flight might not leave. I remember crying to the man at the desk. "I have to get to Chicago, my mom is in the ICU. I can't miss her." I remember apologizing for sounding angry with him. I remember the stars in the sky on the way to the ICU. I remember hoping I'd make it to say goodbye. I remember walking into her room. I remember her bruises, her swelling, her bandages, her machines. I remember her breathing.

Fast forward 175 days. In the last week she has stood up on her own...TWICE. In the last week she has walked the hallway four times with just a cane and her therapist's oversight. And in this last week she moved her left leg on her own. So all of those memories which could have been painful. They're worth it.