So, first of all, the update with mom is that she's doing incrementally better every day. She continues to attempt walking every day. She continues to re-learn how to read left to right. She continues to regain her center and learn to balance. The truth is that she will most likely be in Westminster Place for a least a few months until she gains enough capability to be at home. Again. There is path with no map and no defined destination.
And secondly, I want to acknowledge the fact that I haven't written in a while. In general, I want you to know that the rule of thumb is "no news is good news". The reason I haven't written is that frankly I'm just not ok and it's hard to write when you're not ok. Three months ago my mom almost died. The person who is supposed to always be there to fix things, tell me it's going to be ok - that person almost stopped existing. Since then, I've kept myself together (for the most part). I've watched her come back from the brink, open her eyes, speak, try to walk while I also continue to be a daughter, a niece, a wife, a friend and an employee. Have you ever had your mom look into your eyes, cry and apologize for living? Apologize to you for "being a burden"? Because I have. It kicked me right in the gut and I realized I've been holding my breath. I know I need to start living again, not just for me, but for her. But as I start to live and breathe again a very harsh reality is setting in. Here's the truth, my mom is a different mom than she used to be. Which means I have to be a different daughter and a different person than I used to be.
I am overwhelmed.
I am an open wound.
I am always seconds away from tears.
I don't mean to be dramatic, but I DO want to try to help you all understand how very real this pain is to me, to my dad, to Dee, to Rick, to Patty and so on. And in order to exist with this kind of pain, we have to change, we have to be different than we used to be. I can't say enough how much every single one of us appreciates the love and support. But for now, we're in survival mode along with my mom and just trying to rebuild.
Wednesday, 22 October 2014
Saturday, 11 October 2014
The Ghost of Puck
I decided to make a last minute trip to Chicago for Columbus Day. So I'm sitting here at Westminster Place, watching her sleep and enjoying her cable television. Dee and I spent all day yesterday here so she could teach me the ropes. I learned the art of menu ordering for the week...she's sick of eggs (you have to remind her of that), make sure to order the sugar substitute so she can put it on her Rice Krispies, if dinner options look questionable there's the back-up menu of grilled cheese or a hamburger or spaghetti. I learned about speech therapy exercises....push the tongue depressor with your tongue, bite you tongue and swallow, and make sure to use the straw during reading practice because the kindle is a touch screen. I know where the stash of cranberry juice is and I know that sometimes they sneak meds in it, so never accidentally sip the cranberry juice, you never know what it's spiked with.
I also met the PT, Suzanne, she can't be more than 5 feet tall, but she's all business and has mom practicing walking. Then there's Rebecca from St Louis. She's the OT. Young, super friendly and I can tell she loves mom because she banters with her and when mom threatens to slap her for stretching her left wrist too far Rebecca doesn't flinch and simply says "thanks for warning me". Then there's John. He's a young assistant who just graduated from University of Illinois. He's mom's favorite. He laughs a lot, talks to her constantly and takes all of the shit she gives him for moving back in with his mom. All in all, you can tell mom has charmed the folks around here. What a surprise.
As far as how she's doing, her vision has improved a lot with the new prism glasses. She makes eye contact when she talks to you now and her reading is getting better every day. Physically, she's still trying to work on walking. The PT says that she can feel mom trying to activate her left quad, which is great because that means that the connection is there, but she still needs full support when trying to walk. Mentally, she's pretty with it most of the time. Her wit is here, most of the time her memory is here, she can explain the biology of white blood cells, she can deduce the definition of word by it's Latin roots, but sometimes when she gets tired she starts to hallucinate a bit. Yesterday it was about a little white dog and chipmunks. It's just part of the brain injury and she's with it enough that you can tell her it's an hallucination, but of course we both are wondering if Puck has come back to haunt us.
I also met the PT, Suzanne, she can't be more than 5 feet tall, but she's all business and has mom practicing walking. Then there's Rebecca from St Louis. She's the OT. Young, super friendly and I can tell she loves mom because she banters with her and when mom threatens to slap her for stretching her left wrist too far Rebecca doesn't flinch and simply says "thanks for warning me". Then there's John. He's a young assistant who just graduated from University of Illinois. He's mom's favorite. He laughs a lot, talks to her constantly and takes all of the shit she gives him for moving back in with his mom. All in all, you can tell mom has charmed the folks around here. What a surprise.
As far as how she's doing, her vision has improved a lot with the new prism glasses. She makes eye contact when she talks to you now and her reading is getting better every day. Physically, she's still trying to work on walking. The PT says that she can feel mom trying to activate her left quad, which is great because that means that the connection is there, but she still needs full support when trying to walk. Mentally, she's pretty with it most of the time. Her wit is here, most of the time her memory is here, she can explain the biology of white blood cells, she can deduce the definition of word by it's Latin roots, but sometimes when she gets tired she starts to hallucinate a bit. Yesterday it was about a little white dog and chipmunks. It's just part of the brain injury and she's with it enough that you can tell her it's an hallucination, but of course we both are wondering if Puck has come back to haunt us.
Sunday, 5 October 2014
A 3-star Review
I feel as though we'd give the first week at Westminster Place 3 stars. Here's the challenge, these places are used to working with older folks. I don't want to sound ageist. I think older folks are pretty badass having made it through so much life and then have to put up with seeing folks like Gwyneth Paltrow trying to teach life lessons. I'd like to hear a panel of early birders discuss the Gwyneth.
Anyhow. I digress. My original point is that these places are used to older folks who aren't necessarily as physically capable as someone like my mom is...or should be rather. So the PT is not up to snuff. Let's expand on that, shall we? By "not up to snuff" I mean that at RIC they had her up and walking, climbing stairs, doing enough that it really pissed her off. At Westminster she practices sitting up and getting dressed. Really? I mean, come on. I know that everyone told us that RIC was very intense and that everywhere else would feel like "less than" but the reality is that there is risk of regression.
I don't mean to totally poo poo Westminster. All of the folks who work with her are attentive, compassionate, positive and overall perfectly lovely. But the truth is that this isn't a longterm plan for her. This is meant to be the place where she gets strong enough to come home. I assure you that Dad and Dee are working on it. They're launching a full court press because as of now unless we plan on leaving her at home sitting up and dressed then something has got to change.
Anyhow. I digress. My original point is that these places are used to older folks who aren't necessarily as physically capable as someone like my mom is...or should be rather. So the PT is not up to snuff. Let's expand on that, shall we? By "not up to snuff" I mean that at RIC they had her up and walking, climbing stairs, doing enough that it really pissed her off. At Westminster she practices sitting up and getting dressed. Really? I mean, come on. I know that everyone told us that RIC was very intense and that everywhere else would feel like "less than" but the reality is that there is risk of regression.
I don't mean to totally poo poo Westminster. All of the folks who work with her are attentive, compassionate, positive and overall perfectly lovely. But the truth is that this isn't a longterm plan for her. This is meant to be the place where she gets strong enough to come home. I assure you that Dad and Dee are working on it. They're launching a full court press because as of now unless we plan on leaving her at home sitting up and dressed then something has got to change.
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